took a chance on that feeling.
chances are hard to take.
we can wallow in our own discomfort or anticipation because that is what is comfortable, or we can take a leap. The leap is not always a leap of faith, because we know it will most likely not work out. There are those rivers must cross because we just need to, the water is tempting to dip our toes in, there isn’t anything special about what will happen when we plunge in. in fact, being may, it might very well be chilling. it might have been better left untouched by translucent winter skin, unexposed yet to the warmth of the sunshine. yet, it is the shock of escalating goosebumps that let us know it isn’t what we wanted. it isn’t what we needed.
without that exposure of our toes to early spring waters, we wouldn’t appreciate the taste of june.
beauty when she breaks down
i think i’ve just pinned my problem. i become emotionally invested in people, too quickly. if i feel a connection with somebody, i become drawn to them automatically. this can be friends, boys, kids, whatever. i become very offended when people do not act the same way. it is so hard for me because people ARE different. i become hypocrite when I want people to see me for who I am, but yet I fail to do the same. People function differently and until we find relationships where people function the same as us, it can be frustrating. not everyone perceives these emotional connections, and well, i have to suck it up.
i needed the emotional breakdown i had the other day. it smacked me into reality. he doesn’t care. isn’t a good friend. is actually not even that close to being a decent human being. the reason i know this is not because he is different, but because of how he acts. its written on the walls. i will give him a chance to change my opinion next year, but for this year, i am done, and I think that is what is most healthy for me. if i lose a friendship a long the way, so be it.
